We open back up on last weeks cliffhanger of Jojo aka Brunette Isla Fischer planning to send Non Blinking Luke home but right before the Pro Flowers rose ceremony he pulls her outside & tells her that he loves her. After this new revelation from the producers Luke, Blow Out squats in her electric blue sequin gown hyperventilating.
"What if I'm making a mistake & I'm saying goodbye to him too soon?"
Calm down, you're not having to choose whether or not to pull the plug on your grandfather, you're just having to decide which guy is out of the running to be with you on the cover of US Weekly.
We're still in the Casablanca meets Men's Warehouse commercial airplane hangar. I'm hoping Robby the former competitive swimmer/current homosexual is looking at the planes & considering a job as a male flight attendant. I think he would be perfect except for the part that requires working.
Blow Out walks back in & the roses are on an old, weathered suitcase like it's a prop piece from Raiders of the Lost Arc. I'm sure after the ceremony Robby will enquire what antique shop they bought it from.
Aaron Rodgers' brother gets the first rose-obviously. He's gotten the first rose since episode 1, that's not a sign at all.....
It comes down between Chase the Mongoloid & Luke the Non Blinker. They're very similar, both have the facial expressions of a wall & both talk like they have saran wrap covering their mouths.
She decides to give the final rose to the human Ambient pill Chase & you can almost hear every woman in middle America gasp.
Luke who looks like a real life Dragon Ball Z character is shocked. Now there's absolutely no chance of his eyes ever closing. Blow Out is "crying"even though we don't see any runny mascara,streaked foundation or even fluid coming out of her eyes.
Non Blinker's vocal fry is tuned up 100 notches now "This isn't supposed to happennn, this shouldn'tttt be happening right nowwwww"
Even though he never blinked once this whole season he still never saw this coming. Which is pretty amazing being that his eyes look in two different directions at once.
NB- Youuu didn't want me anymorreeee
BO-No it's not that at all!
Actually that's exactly what it is.
The rejection limo pulls up & they cling to each other like velcro.
Blow Out (still tearless) wailes "I'm going to miss you!!! I miss you already! I don't want this to happen I know it has to but I don't want this to be happening right now I'm not ready to say goodbye to you"
She sounds like every mother dropping their kid off at college.
NB- “I just can’t believe that I like, squandered it away. Like I had no clue I was doing that… I thought that like when I kissed you, I thought that when I looked in your eyes, I thought the times we had, like that magic, was real.”
Blow Out- “It was real.”
You can almost hear the clicks of Nicholas Sparks' keyboard as he types this scene word for word into his new screenplay.
I was really hoping for Non Blinker to say "I don't know how to quit you!"before he got into the long,black, mechanical horse. I feel like it was a missed opportunity.
Blow Out- between gasps for air "I'm just trying to follow my gut!"
Your gut wasn't telling you to dump Luke, that was the producers! What your gut IS telling you is
"FEEEED ME! I'm starving! I've been living off champagne & men's saliva for the past 8 weeks! Feed meeeee!!!!"
I like to imagine her gut's voice sounds just like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors.
She is gown squatting again looking like Miss USA doing a Rain Man impression.She just keeps repeating the same sentence over & over "what if that was a mistake?...What if that was a mistake? What did I.....What if that was a mistake?!"
Um, it was more of a mistake making out with Evelyn the boner specialist on camera.
We have the loser limo cam confessional of Dead Eyes & he says what I imagine is a Pinterest quote you would see on one of those black & white beach pictures.
"I was in love with her, but I never got the chance TO love her"
I was waiting for him to follow it with" And what hurts the most, was being so close,and having so much to say and watching her walk away..."
Women from all the flyover states, please don't be sad. This is just the beginning for him. Think of how many Farmers Only.com commercials he's going to book from this! If he doesn't get chosen as the next Bachelor, I guarantee the CMT channel is going to scoop him up & give him his own dating show called "Luke-ing for Love"
It's pretty amazing that in just one commercial break she goes from saying that "her heart is broken" to yelling "I'm in beautiful Thailand!!!!.
The producers REALLY want to get the point across that she still has to choose between 3 men so for the next 5 minutes we have "pondering" shots.