The next day is JoJo's turn to tap dance in front of the WASPS that produced this completely average Marshmallow that you could meet at any Chili’s bar across America. She shows up with a conch shell full of flowers, so obviously some PA got lazy & went to whatever gift shop was closest. Oh what the hell, she's the second date so we already know how this is going to end up, so there's a $13 spending cap.
We have déjà vu talking to his parents with almost the same conversation (minus the lower back rubbing). Just the same "From the minute she stepped out of the limo bla bla bla," "helicopter ride bla bla bla," "We have such a connection I haven't felt with anyone else" - he forgot to add the part "besides with the girl I brought here yesterday who I said the exact same things about who also held my moms hand for 2 hours no big deal."
On JoJo's one-on-one with the mom there was no sweaty hand holding, which is sad for the mom because that’s the closest she’s ever going to come to a Cartier bracelet. They did talk about how Pillow told his parents how safe he feels with JoJo & how she feels the same way (Remember how she's the one who always sounds like a war camp refugee about not feeling safe, I have a guard up, I cant let my guard down, I have a tortured past). I give JoJo a lot of credit, I wouldn't feel safe about the outfit she chose to go meet his parents, yeah it's cute- but a silk floral dress outside with no bra in the wind & it's a string tie back? Just like that Instagram quote I saw once, “You're braver than you think & stronger than you know.”
After she leaves, he goes back in to hopefully have his parents give him the answer on which girl he should marry, like its deciding what restaurant to order dinner from because he just can't decide what he feels like, he's split down the middle! The parents both say the same polite, rehearsed non-answers Bracelet has been saying about them this whole season "they're both so great, I don't know how you'll choose!" Does anyone have an opinion in this family besides about which city & high school football team is the best?
His mom says in her confessional that she's worried that her son, "I hate that at this point he doesn’t know who to plant his stake with.” 1) That's a horrible expression. 2) He already planted his stake last week with 3 girls in the fantasy suites.
We go on our last one-on-one dates & this seems like our 7th boat date of the season. Seriously he could have become a licensed captain by now, he probably knows more about boating at this point than software sales. I can see why Potato likes Lauren Basic so much, not just because her favorite food is butter so they naturally go perfect together, but because all their dates are just spent with their faces touching, staring at each other & her telling her how much she loves him & how wonderful she is. She is a blonde affirmation mirror "You're perfect," "You're so lovable," "You're so handsome," shocking a man would fall in love with a girl who just thinks he's wonderful, wants to talk about him all the time, & love his parents & his shithole town. Then Pillow starts talking about he's worried because things are SO perfect & that he's afraid things are to good to be true. Ughhh he literally finds something to whine about with every girl. He says how he knows what it's like during hard times with JoJo. Bummer you don't have two brothers who want to kill him, Lauren.
Pillow & his family just rave about how elegant & well-spoken Lauren is. She's nice, but her voice never goes above the volume or speed of the NPR women of the "Schwetty Balls Sketch,” I have never heard her say a sentence longer than 8 words. She mostly just sits there staring at Marshmallow's blank eyes and then puts his head on her shoulder like he's a baby as he nuzzles her. Barf. I wouldn't really say it's elegant, I think the word you're looking for is submissive in which case, yes I absolutely agree.