It's the cocktail party & Non Blinker Luke who looks like Tig Natorro is up first. I'm not sure what's more intense Luke's vocal fry or his serial killer stare. Every time he always does a full monologue before they make out which always involves him slowly brushing her hair back behind her ears & every time it looks like he's about to steal her earrings.
They make out because Luke has run out of all the words he knows how to say. They are like two octopuses all over each other.
Next up is James Taylor & he spends his one on one time talking about Blow Outs most beloved Jordan. Oh no sweetie no. Don't talk about the mamma bears cub (that she's going to have sex with in the fantasy suite in two weeks)
He tells her how he's seen "a different side of him & it's not good" Do I like Aaron Rodger's brother? No. But I have to admit the fuck boy DOESN'T have a bad side-aesthetically that is.
Alice the maid explains his problem with the golden child-
"We were playing a game of cards & I said it's this rule & he said it was a DIFFERENT rule & shut me down, because he's Jordan Rodgers-whatever that is"
JoJo asks "what does that mean?Jordan Rodgers?"
I thought it meant unemployed football player.
"it means that, ummm. Ya know it pretty much means I guess... celebrity"
You're talking about his brother Aaron now right?
"Ya know people are going to listen to me because he's like I have this billion watt smile & a stud arm & I'm in magazines, he's acted entitled a couple of times & you just can't go against him"
Uuumm, wtf is a stud arm? I know what a stud-horse is. Does a stud arm means he donates his sperm to top dollar sperm banks? Is that how he afforded his billion watt smile veneers? Or is that from the unemployment checks from NFL? I honestly don't know, I'm not a sports ball fan.
I will say that James Taylor is VERY sweet, he's like the rescue puppy that only has 3 legs & has lost its coat to scabies. But every time he talks he sounds like he's just 10 IQ points above Forrest Gump.Now I know that role actually belongs to Mongoloid Chase but he doesn't have the accent.
James Taylor-"I know I would love her & care for her the most" she's his Jenny.
Next up is Jimmy Newtron hair with the billion watt smile-Jordan.
Both JoJo & him are wearing matching leather jackets like they're going to a Grease sing along. She asks him about what Rescue Puppy said & he laughs it off.
He says how they had a disagreement about cards or some bullshit & how he tried to tell Rescue Puppy the right rules. "That was a tough situation to try to bring logic to but if I came off-"
Blow Out jumps in "Entitled?"
BO-"Well that's the word that was used"
SA-"No. No. I don't know what that means"
Yeah I don't know what that word means, but I know I wasn't that.
She tells him how she pictures her life with him after this (you mean after you give him the final rose on some jungle beach front gazebo hut) & how she is falling for him but wants to make sure the guy shes falling for is the same hot fuck boy he is with her that he is in the house.
He says "I don't think I'm above anybody here"
Really? Not even Alex?
He goes back to sit with all the guys & when they ask him how it went he just sits next to Rescue Puppy in silence manically swirling his white wine like he's a villian on The Real Housewives.
He keeps swirling the whine maniacally & I'm afraid he's going to get carpel tunnel & ruin his football careeeeee- oh wait nevermind.... SWIRL ON Jordan my bad! Entitlement is not what he's about. Would an entitled guy react to being insulted by jostling a pointy suede boot, swirling a good Sauvignon blanc to release its bouquet, and snapping at Rescue Puppy "How does one-act entitled while stating that the rules of a game are such?"
I think NOT.
Rescue Puppy doesn't have much to say besides muttering "whatever man" a couple of times & going back to nervously biting his nails & tugging at his picnic table-cloth shirt. Super cute.
Implants gives serial killer Luke the safety rose. The rest angrily stare at her how I imagine Alex stares at the height requirements signs at theme parks.
The next day is the two on one between the boring brown-eyed guy & the boring blue-eyed guy who both talk like they have saraan wrap covering their faces.
Mongoloid confessional;- '"I have a real connection with JoJo so why is it fair that I'm put in a position of life or death?"
Is your 2 on 1 date playing Russian roulette? WTF are you talking about dummy it's not life or death it's a fake date on a reality show & either way it ends up with you getting a spot on Bachelor in Paradise. I know that's a lot for you to process but have someone write it in crayon with big letters for you.